happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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