Your face is a jimmy john
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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