i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
