Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
