Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
