All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
