U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
