What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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