There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
