How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
