Can i not drive my cunt home
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
