That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
