the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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