Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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