I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
