if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
