so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how do flat chested girls get laid?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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