I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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