thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
