i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So here I am, sexting at work.
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