Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
