It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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