I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
