4 words: hood of his car
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
