he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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