also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
