cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
