actually, I'm a sock model
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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