thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
