Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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