Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I love you. Go after that dick
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
