I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
