when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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