Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize