His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
