you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
