hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
