do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
