Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
