And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
