whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
