i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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