Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
