The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
