You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
