2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize