i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
