i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
