Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
