i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
