my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
