it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize