those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
