I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
