Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
