two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize