We're facebook friends in real life
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
