You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
