She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
