i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
