i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
