I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
