where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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