how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
