I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
