Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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