come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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