And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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