Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
