I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
