I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
