I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
